Over the years I find myself being drawn further and further into some of the ideas of stoicism. In particular, it’s the core idea that you can’t always control what happens, but you can always control your response to it.
I’ve recently seen two great examples of that.
The first was in an episode of the “Hidden Brain” podcast about, of course, stoicism. In this episode, Massimo Pigliucci shares the story of what happened after his wallet was stolen. From the show:
“Then I thought, okay, how much cash did I have there? Well, less than $100. Okay. Fortunately for me, I can absorb that kind of loss without really much of an impact. Is there anything else that is left to be done? No. So I sat down, I opened, I switched to a different app, I started reading a book. And a few stops later, I got off and I met my brother. Now, I told him what happened. And my brother, of course, said, well, I don’t see you upset. What’s going on here? You don’t seem to be particularly, you know, bothered by this thing. And I said, would it help? I solved what I could. I took care immediately of what I could. And I told him, guess what? Now dinner is on you because I have no money.”
I love the line he shared with his brother about being upset: “would it help?”. I’m not sure I could have been as calm as Pigliucci was, but I desire to have that kind of control.
I also saw a bit in the book “The Let Them Theory” where author Mel Robbins shared this:
“Just stop and ask yourself: Why do you have to let a long line at the coffee shop ruin your day? Why is traffic putting you in a bad mood?”
They’re legit questions. Stuff happens, and you can respond to it. Long lines at the coffee shop and heavy traffic should never be a surprise, so why is it affecting your mood? The line is there either way, and you made the choice to stop for coffee, so enjoy the time you just found. You can even go futher, as suggested in the book “The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry“, and intentionally choose the longest line simply to force yourself to slow down.
Finding a long line to stand in and then leaving your phone in your pocket can create great feelings that you likely haven’t felt in a long time.
Sometimes it’s worth being upset, but always ask — would it help?
